Not Always What You Think...

     A very dear friend text'd me Tuesday and said, "How are you?" Out of habit, I replied, "Fine, and you?" Without hesitation, I quickly retracted that statement. I wasn't "fine". As a matter of fact, I called it, "depressed". I'M NOT SUICIDAL, I just haven't had the drive or energy to do anything. So many times, we sugarcoat our true feelings, not just because we are ashamed that folks might see something could be wrong, but sometimes you just don't want to burden friends and loved ones with petty problems. I mean, who doesn't have issues. If you don't, then you're not breathing. Everyone, whether dealing with a problematic child, troubles in relationship, finances, workplace issues, etc. is going through something. I went on to share with my friend how I was truly feeling. I don't think he was really ready for me to unload on him like I did. Just a couple subjects we talked about were, my irrititation with MEN, my lack of ORGANIZATION, feeling OVERWHELMED and EXHAUSTED, and even LONELINESS.  I must say, I do feel better. I haven't lived a hard life.  As a matter of fact, I've been blessed beyond measure, but that doesn't have a thing to do with how I'm feeling right now, right at this moment.  That song, "I Wont Complain"...I'm not feeling that TODAY. I generally try to be positive and encouraging, but sometimes you just need to dialogue, in order to free the weight, and maybe even gain a new perspective. So in talking with my friend, I explained to him that for the last 3 weeks or so, i was feeling extra lazy and tired. I'd come home from work, go to bed, and stay there until it was time to do it again. I didn't want to be bothered with folks. Now on the flipside, I thought it may be loneliness.  In case you didn't know, you can have people around you and still be lonely. I want people around me, loving on me, but then I don't want to be bothered.  What sense does that make?  None!! That's why it was helpful to say it.  And as soon as I said it out loud, I knew I needed professional help. 


So on Wednesday, Oprah airs a show talking about looking and feeling 20 years younger. I thought oh Lord, another Oprah lecture.  But of course, they spoke about things many of us have heard before. The four main points were NUTRITION, EXERCISE, SKIN and SLEEP.  In assessing my own situation, as far as NUTRITION  -  I have never eaten right, but when I exercised multiple times a week, I would eat what I wanted. Then for a minute, I stopped exercising and continued eating what I wanted.  (That doesn't work). EXERCISE - I've had a gym membership for years, and exercise equipment at home. The key here is just getting up and doing the work.  SKIN - Let me just say that adult acne is not my friend.  I never know when the pores will erupt. And last but not least, SLEEP - with my work schedule, I don't get much sleep. There are times when I do have a chance to lay down, and I just can't rest.  I'm sure you're wondering, WHAT'S THE POINT OF ALL THIS?  Well I'm just saying that these are all attributed to why I'm in this mood.  I've decided to visit a therapist. My employer offers free sessions to visit a therapist for subjects relating to finance, relationship, and many others. It can't hurt. I haven't forgotten the value of prayer. As a matter of fact, PRAY FOR ME, and I will continue to pray for you. I do believe that God has given me the "good sense", to seek answers. I don't discount prayer.  I need this dialogue to find out how to get out of this slump.  Just in the few hours that I talked to my friend, I had a better understanding of what it will take and what I'm dealing with, although I didn't get up off the couch that night.  I am still hopeful.  I am fully aware of how God has touched my life and has allowed me so many opportunities.  Unfortunately, some people think "Oh, You're A Christian", and I guess that means that we don't go thru things.  Newsflash...I am human, and I have feelings and emotions.  I've just got some things I need to get off me, that's all.  It's not always what you think.  Love

Show Me A Seed...

     On Friday, I was awakened by the TV at 6:55 AM. Dr. Todd Coontz hollered out, "Why has God favored me?" As I rolled over and continued listening, he spoke about sowing a seed. (Only $1000) Lol. I laugh because a family member announced to me that they just finished making payment on a "seed they sowed in behalf of my love life". It caught me off guard, and of course, you know I laughed, but I know she means well and wants the very best for me.  No one had ever "sowed a seed" in my name before, (as far as I know) so of course Dr. Coontz had my attention. I digress.  Anyway, he went on to say, "The purpose of the seed is the harvest." Of course he spoke about  many things, but this is what touched me. "Three harvests - 1. God will favor you, 2. God will silence your enemies and you'll receive a miracle turnaround in your family, businesses, and finances, and 3. Satan must return to you sevenfold what he has stolen. When you let go of something you wanted to keep, God will let go of  something he wanted to give."  Eventually another gentleman joined Dr. Coontz on stage and said, "If you're looking for a harvest in your life, God is saying, "show me a seed".  I liked that. Remember, I was sound asleep, so I believe this was meant for me to hear and share.  Just earlier this week, Pastor Kim Gladney asked, "When was the last time you prayed..I mean, really prayed?". Love

A Day In The Life...

     I've been writing, creatively, since middle school. Over the last 30 years or so, I've used writing as an escape. As a young girl, my mother bought me a diary. Recently, I read though entries from grade school, up until my last entry...last year. Boy oh boy! And that's just what the last entry was about...a boy! Lol. Thank God for giving me the good sense to document those events and memories. I never would have been able to recall all that emotion. I've always had a lot to say, and so writing was not a hard task. It has allowed me to express the person that is inside...this loud person, with a shy voice. While in high school, I wanted to pursue many different aspects of life. I never could narrow it down...maybe that's why my parents never really encouraged me to take a certain path, or were able to direct me toward a specific 'area of study'. I've had so many interests ranging from pattern making (sewing), to acting, to interior design, to radio, to photography, to sports, to film making, to writing screenplays, to writing a sitcom, to drawing floor plans (drafting), to writing songs, piano, violin, to blah blah blah and on and on and on. And this is where I ended up? Am i here right now, because I didn't pursue a specific interest? Am I here because I wasn't ambitious enough? Am I here because this was God's will? I WILL say that for whatever reason, I am at this moment in life, it is my hope that from this point on, my existence on this earth will be a true representation of what God wants me to be. I desire to be more loving, giving, caring, thoughtful, prayerful, helpful, sensitive, and kind. There is so much work to be done in the community. I must first start at home (literally), before I will ever be able to do anyone else a bit of good. One of the most recent creative ways that I express myself is through "play writing". My mind wonders 24/7. I get ideas, and I write it down. I am constantly coming up with a project, or a small idea. Maybe one day, I will get a clearer picture of the direction my life is to go, and what really needs to be shared. I love to share. While some of what I share benefits no one, God has put it on my heart to inspire and uplift. Right now, although I am happy, I am not content. There is this feeling that something is moving. I guess we shall see, but something IS moving. Love